My sister asked me today why I’m so attached to him and why I care so much. We may not be deep into the time of our relationship, but the feelings are real. She and I have different stories and though we’re both still writing them, I feel that there is something holding me here, something pushing me to make things work. As hard as it is being away from him and as crazy as this roller coaster has been, I know that eventually everything is going to be okay. She may not understand it and others may not understand it, but he and I do, and honestly that’s all that matters to me. We are not in a relationship with anyone but each other
I realize that a lot of people determine how they will interact in their love lives after observing how their parents are with each other. My parents fought a lot when I was younger, and now that I see them dating, it makes me wonder if I’ve gone about my relationship interactions wrong. Whenever I’m with someone, I find it hard to talk to them, not because we have nothing in common, but because whenever I interact with my dad, I lose all want to talk about anything; when I’m with a guy, the same thing happens. Whether the guy is just a friend or a boyfriend, it’s difficult for me to spark conversation unless I force myself to break out of my shell. Otherwise I will normally stay quiet and interact with my body language rather than words. When I do speak to them, I get very nervous. Sitting here watching my parents talk, I start to wonder if I’ve been living through my relationships all wrong. While we obviously get conversations in, I wonder if it is not enough. Should we be talking more? Is my lack of conversation something that get in the way? Is there even a real way to tell? Whatever the case, I realize that any lack of communication is equally just as much my fault as it is, or would be, my partner’s fault.
It’s so hard being away from the ones that you love. All you can do is think about the times you had with them, imagine all the things you want to do once you can be with them again, and worry that they’re forgetting about you or getting annoyed that you miss them so much. But what’s amazing is knowing that you haven’t seen that person in so long and yet your feelings are just as strong for them today through the distance and hard times as those feelings were before they left. Distance may be terrifying, but it could also be such an amazing thing. Hope for the best is all you can do, but whether they are with you or away, always prepare yourself for the worst. And if things are meant to be and your love is strong enough, then everything will work out
For the longest time, I didn’t think I could feel butterflies anymore; I didn’t think that I could be so happy; I didn’t think I could care so much; but it seems as if it only takes a certain person to do that for you. It also takes that certain person to make you reach such lows. But why are those lows reached? From the thought of losing them, or from the thought of losing that feeling? Are we really addicted to the person, or to the feeling they give us? Just as a drug user: it isn’t the drug itself they love, it is the feeling they receive from it that keeps them hooked. And if that feeling is why we become infatuated with someone to the point of finally falling in passionate love with them, then I have to say, I want to always feel such an incarnating love. And though the low of fearing the loss of that feeling is so poisonous, I cannot help but allow myself to risk that, because this feeling of passion is too amazing to let slip. Love does not know distance, though it’s the questions that drive a force; why do we have these concerns? Possibly because we watch too much tv, or we look too deeply into other people’s lives or situations..whatever the reason, there will never be a time where a question of the possibility does not give some concern within our stomachs. It’s the trust and the desire to keep the passion flowing through our veins that will keep us going. And at the end of the day, the fact that an opportunity of feeling so great should not be overlooked, but should be utilized as a reason to smile. Love: the scariest, yet most amazing feeling anyone could ever experience.